First: To all fellow role players, current role play partners, past role play partners, anyone anonymously watching my journal whom may role play around me or near me--If I have ever done the following to you? Please accept my sincerest apologies. I am sorry. I never want to do this again; please feel free to flame the shit out of me if I do it again in the future.

What is it I am talking about?

I am talking about ignoring the shit out of same-sex players. I am so fucking tired of it!

In and out of my play the last two months, the increasing number of times I have had my female characters outright: ignored, dismissed, rejected, visibly looked over and etc and so on by other female characters, for them to role play with male characters is ridiculous.

I have stopped counting on hands.

Even when I was role playing my female characters with their male partners both myself and my rp partner did our best to reach out and include the room, fellow players, etc--with increasing snubbery going on (either because people assume we would ignore them to go have a make-out session I guess, or because you know---Neither character were single or interesting enough to play with), because when I am in a public room I am not role playing there to LIMIT my interactions!

To take a slice of real life (I know this isn't real life, bear with me okay?), as a human I need interaction with more than just my husband. I need my friends, be they online or in real life. Most of my friends, believe it or not? Are the same sex as me. ::GASP:: That's right! They're female! I don't expect them to drop their lives and come running, I don't expect them to come hang out with me without their husbands or S.O's...no. But they're able to hang out with me and their S.O's AT THE SAME TIME. NOVEL CONCEPT, NO? And just like in the above example, in order for my characters to be well rounded and 3-d to me, I think having friends, confident, trusted, acquaintances and what not are important for a character too.

I am especially sick and tired of the certain loud voices crying that they don't get enough attention, lime light, spotlight or are constantly ignored--because guess what? I make note. I do. I really, really do. And do you know what I do?

I got and take my not-so-well-known characters into the inn and personally make it a point of mine to track down these characters that have complained. And I try and play at them or start something.

Do you know what happens when I do?

That's right. I get completely ignored if my character is the same sex as theirs.

IIIIIIIRRRRROOOOONNNNNNY.

And I am just so frustrated to the point of giving up. Why? Because this sorta stuff shouldn't hold any power over my play, and I refuse to let it bother me any further than it just has. I don't want to waste energy smashing my head against the keyboard in sheer frustration over this.

Ladies, if you aren't getting enough dick in real life--go find yourself a porno and a great little thing I like to call a vibrator, or take yourself and your partner to private IM's and cyber your face off--don't come into a damn public room for the SOLE PURPOSE of IGNORING EVERYONE BUT THE PENIS AT YOUR SIDE, okay?

OKAY.

DSJDHsad Gah.

I go back to the optometrist to get my contacts checked and hopefully fixed. I can't see the computer monitor as well as I could with glasses and the reading glasses I was prescribed? NO ONE makes them. I'd have to get them specially made. No way we can afford that!

Anyway, last week when we were getting them I got into an argument with Shawn's optometrist. He stopped in the office of mine to get contacts. Now I was asking my doctor if there were reasonably affordable (IE: cheaper but decent quality) contacts when Shawn's doctor came in. I wasn't going to go with Accuvue lenses. Shawn apparently decided to go with Accuvue and I asked HIS doctor if there wasn't anything any cheaper and he flipped.

"I'M the EYE DOCTOR here, and MY advice is the advice YOUR HUSBAND is following," he huffed. "Further more, you don't expect to purchase a $20 car and have it run, why would you purchase a cheaper pair of CONTACTS. They're your EYES."

"--Whoa, whoa, whoa, attitude dude." I said to him before I realized it. I think he bristled. He was balding, so there wasn't much to bristle.

"WELL. Contacts are a luxury item. If you can't afford them, don't get them."

"Uh--our insurance covers them. We wouldn't if--" He'd already stormed off.

Uhm. The only reason we got lenses & contacts was because as soon as I married Shawn I was able to be placed on his benefits. Insurance covered contacts up to a certain amount and lenses, the same. Let's just say I won't be seeing THAT doctor anytime soon.

I wouldn't even have contacts if not for this. So! I think that I will try and get the more expensive astigmatism contact lenses. I'll get less, but I don't plan on wearing them that often (special occasions,) so as long as I keep them sealed in containers within best before dates, should be good to go. AND I should be able to see with them.

Right now, I'm stuck wearing the first prescription because the docs have to be sure my eyes aren't going to explode out of my face and crawl away and it drives me nuts. I can see our neighbors house clear as day, the house after, the far-away trees, but we get to the garden outside out window and it's a little blurry. Anything from right in front of me to 10 feet on makes my eyes freak out. One moment they're in focus the next they're not!

I can't think of anything to write today and I have to. None of the prompts are doing it for me and I know I owe ehzoterik a bit of top sekret IC writing in some top secret place some where--and I'm blank there too.

The whole point to this July Flashfiction month wasn't really to write anything earth shattering or moving or best evar, it was just to prove to myself that if I really sat down....If I really applied myself, I could do something! I could do something consistently if I had to.

Hopefully I'll get an idea tonight before it's too late. I also need to make 4 more avatars next week. That is my goal that I want to finish while Shawn returns to work, I hope I can stick to it.

IN THE MEANTIME since I do not have anything hastily written, until I do, enjoy your daily dose of Nugget:

I like to role play and I like to bitch and moan and whine about it. :)

( Feel free to skip this! )

One of my favorite authors on the face of the planet, George R.R. Martin, is having a great time (or should be) enjoying his life and his writing, branching out and exploring things he probably has wanted to do and write for a while.

Apparently however, some object to him having a life of his own, his own interests, and his wish to peruse other avenues.

Personally? If I were George? I'd finish the book whenever. I'd finish the book and the series. I'd finish it and let EVERYONE know it was done.

Then I would smile slightly, push it aside, and also tell them that it would be published when I damn well felt like it and they could all go suck an egg. And if I truly had enough money in my life to set myself up, my loved ones up? I'd move that date to, "published as part of my last will and testament."

Jesus people. Writing is hard. It takes work. It's not easy. I know, I've tried and I suck--give the man a break and let him live his life.

Fans keep hounding him, and I wouldn't be surprised or upset at all if you get a giant, "FUCK IT AND FUCK YOU THEN," thrown in your face.

If I had a crowd of people telling me how to live my life, you bet your pasty desk shaped ass I'd do the above.

Last night as I was role playing I spelled stakes, steaks. :( So I spent most of my night giggling about the image of porterhouse steaks through someones chest.

I noticed I cannot seem to spell require correctly anymore, and spell it 'recquire.'

I still cannot stop myself from mixing up to, too even when I KNOW which one I am suppose to use my brain types the opposite.

I cannot stop my head from put'ing random apostrophe's where they aren't needed.

It's like the more I type lately the dumber I get!

And without further ado, here is the rant I had prepared a few days ago when I realized I should probably have bitched about myself first, before slinging mud:

How to make yourself, intentionally or unintentionally look like a role playing shittrumpet:

( The reason behind my other post. Read on my fine pasty pale friends. )

My little jaunt back to Star Wars: Galaxies to peek in on how things are going on Starsider since the free character transfers and announcement of house pack ups certainly was a study in "the more things change the more they stay the same".

A lot of people might question why I role play in Mos Eisely. They might ask me, "Mel, why don't you go role play in a player town, where chances are you won't instantly be assumed your characters a whore."

I like that idea. I really do. But the reason why I play in Eisely is because I haven't ICly been given any invites to have Zah' dance anywhere else and personally, I'd feel like a giant ass just having my character "mysteriously" drop in on player created bars.

When and if there is a role playing event advertised openly where it is by all means, easy to have my character find out about it--I don't feel like such an ass. But public role play events are just that--events already planned out where they generally don't need an extra dancer. They've usually got their own entertainment and I'm not going to step on toes OOCly, or thrust Zah' on anyone unreasonably.

And so, there I was, back in a hive of wretched scum and villainy role playing beside several people who certainly do NOT role play, and it's early morning.

And I get a nibble on the rp line, expect that it's from some guy who has a human who just happens to have fangs and claws instead of finger nails AND his idea in trying to engage Zah' in role play is to stare. Continuously. Stare a lot. And yawn. And grin showing a fang or two. Then return to staring.

It got so bad, the staring thing, that I had to send the player an OOC im stating, ((She's a dancer--staring at her is sorta something that has become common place for her. Dancer's are to be looked at generally, after all. Unless you speak to her or do something different, she'll probably just assume he's there to ogle the display and move on. AKA: just another patron.))

So he got the point. So while he was staring he made a comment about how he thought the holo dancers were a distraction and taking away from her performance. When she asked why, he shrugged and said he didn't know why...And then threw a credit chip on the floor in front of her and walked off.

Let me say this once more, in case it wasn't clear the first fifty times I've ranted about it over the years: STARING ISN'T THE ONLY WAY TO GET ANOTHER CHARACTER'S ATTENTION. BY ALL MEANS--IF A CHARACTER IS INTERESTING OR DOING SOMETHING THAT IS OGLE WORTHY--DO SO. STARE. BUT THROW SOMETHING ELSE IN THERE OTHER THAT JUST ::LOOKS.:: ::STARES:: ::OGLES:: ::CONTINUES STARING:: OKAY? OKAY.

Glad we could have this heart to heart.

My advice to liars: if liars are going to lie it is important that they write this shit down.

It's important as later on when a liar is caught and they've forgotten all about it--they'll have a nice check list to eyeball instead of floundering around helplessly trying to remember if they've lied about something or not.

Often if someone is in the habit of lying about anything and everything I imagine it must get hard for them to keep track. When it crops up down the line, without a neat list? They'll say something completely opposite when confronted, back peddle ferociously and end up looking like a slubberdegullion. With a handy list, a liar won't need to do such things at all! They'll be able to remember just who they bullshitted to and about what! Lists are handy!

And if you are curious, I'm not naming names. If you are gasping and holding a hand over your heart, bristling angrily while shaking a fist at the screen going, "Well I never! The nerve to call ME a liar!"? Maybe it's time for you to start keeping lists. Or start telling the truth?


I do not feel the need to explain who or what. This is my journal, there are many like it, but this one is mine. This is my sanctuary and my place to express myself, if by doing so and not putting in explicit details makes me a passive aggressive bitchface mcwhoreson, well, it's not like ya'll didn't know who I was and how I was to begin with, amirite?

Thank you, come again!

Edit: Some are curious as to why it might be a big deal for me. It's because when I was a girl and a teenager I was one of those liars. I know, intimately, what life is like on both ends of the raw deal. It sucks, it sucks hard--and that is why it has become such a personally big deal to me. There came a certain point in my life where honesty became more important than anything else and I have stuck by that and through that with tooth and nail.

Tru fax:

Using a photograph from an artist that expressly states you may not use his or her work without permission is illegal.

Using a photograph from an artist that expressly states you may not use his or her work without permission, but leaving the copy right and/or credit clearly on the image is still illegal.

Whether you credit them (And I appreciate it, I really do) or not, if their TOS (Terms of Use) say that you cannot use their images, you can't.

I had this argument recently with someone on AOL who is using a deviant artists photo(s) on his/her profile. And while I appreciate the fact that they left credit intact, it still does not change how the artist has clearly stated use of her work without permission is prohibited and not legal. I guess he/she thought that because she/he left the © on the images he/she was doing good. Unfortunately, this isn't the case.

I also got politely reprimanded for bringing it up publicly--in all honesty, I do not think image theft and copy right infringement is a subject that should be handled behind closed doors.

It NEEDS to be addressed--even *I* need to remind myself that just because that photo is the perfect for my character doesn't mean I have any rights to use it. There is nothing wrong with my imagination. I am a role player. I can describe my character well enough that if I do not have a picture, I can rely on my own brain to portray the important bits that make up the image of my own character, right? I mean--if I cannot give those I role play with the slightest glimmer of what my character looks like...Have I not failed in some of the basics in text role play?

If it says, "No use without permission," it doesn't mean, "Aw, I guess. Go ahead and use it if you keep my name on it." It means do not use it. Unless you show me you are either a) the artist b) the purchaser and now rightful owners of said photos or c) the owner of physical, written proof you have the artists permission no excuse is acceptable for copy right theft. You are NOT doing the artist any favors--you are stealing.

1.) Nice changes to the Entertainer, SW:G. I see that Mos Eisely is still a fine mix of cybor, ::runz in n stabz u:: and fun!

The fact that I get chat gagged every ten lines because I am on trial, effectively chat-gagging me for (so far) 3-5 minutes at a time? Not fun. :( Makes it difficult to role play.

2.) UPDATE: Talked to Shawn from work--even though we can't recover my old Station Account so that I can play my account, Shawn's station account and old subscription is still there. After our little chit-chat, he says he's willing to activate his old account so I could totally play on that. Yey! That'd probably be a whole lot cheaper than setting up a new one. <3 We're bored, game wise. Well, I am anyway. I would like to get a station pass so that I can pick up EQ II & SW:G for a while, but Shawn say no. Shawn doesn't want to play a game where servers and cities are generally empty or ghost towns, leaving the MMO out of the RPG. I can sort of understand that. So, he says we're going to try WAR. I beta tested WAR, and I wasn't impressed. But it's popular and there are a lot of people playing. So that's pretty much good enough for me--as I am a beggar and cannot be a chooser. If WAR doesn't work out then I think he should totally let me get back into SW:G. Right honey? RIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT?

3.) Drama in role play happens, it really does.

I know it does--some times, whether on purpose or by mistake even I make a little.

The thing which seperates you and I from that chick who's always bitching about someone to you, that guy who's stalking every girl, and that crazy dude who puts his ex wifes pics up in the rp forums telling the world about how awful she is...Is that we don't dwell on it.

You and I, my little arpee buds--we touch on it. We flutter down from our day dreamy heights some times to be the natural human that we are, have a good bitch, a good fight, miscommunicate, work it out or move on with it...But we're not continuously harping on a single fucking subject over and over and over and over again until everyone wants to strangle us.

And that's one of the many ways you can tell the good RPers from the bad.

If you're constantly writing about, bitching about, whining about, posting about and/or talking about nothing but "all the drama everyone else is giving to you"--take note: maybe they're bringing the shit because you're taking the shit.

So stop.

It really, really, really is that easy.

Save the patience, forgiveness, understanding and everything else for your friends--the people mentioned above aren't worth your time nor the growing ulcers you are getting from trying to care.

This message was brought to you by: Total randomness. Nothing that's happened in role play recently because I haven't really been on AOL or DM.

Join me next week, when I bitch about something else random!