“"You're listening to Zombie Head-Eating 105. ::CHEWCHEW:: NNNNG. ::CHEWCHEW:: RAAAAAAAGHR. ::CHEWCHEW.:: BRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIN--Zombie Head-Eating 105."”

the_dream_king

“Nugget has something very important to tell all of you so listen closely.
"*Kissy noises*
Whatya doin?
*Kissy noises*
Whatya doin'?
Whatyaohgoodboy
Whatya doin' Nug?
*Wolf whistle*
Go pewpgopewgopopgo--
*Random song*" Thank you for listening this has been a public message. By Nugget”

“Good evening and welcome to the Rhydin minute. I'm your Rhydin reporter, Ala'mana'letha'lethar'rillee-ya, elven Princess and ruler of the unpronounceable realm.

Rhy'dins seen yet another unprecedented week in birth rate. Hospital pre-natal staff are feeling the push lately left over from this summer's boom. Doctor Hellbreath, specialist in demon pediatrics says that he hasn't seen this kind of boom since Rhydin decided to stop filtering and treating the water. He says that twins apparently are out of season and triplets are in. Looking haggard, Doctor Hellbreath seemed to express enthusiasm in looking forward to Thanksgiving. A season, he says, sees lesser births due to the yearly bought of random disappearances which happen during major holidays.

Yesterday, a local barmaid by the name of Breann specialpants found herself a surprise during her lunch break. Hidden within her sandwich was a 400 carat diamond ring. Breann's fiance, Lord High King Prince Duke Major General Bob apparently meant it as a surprise way of proposing to the lovely lady.

Unfortunately, the ring wasn't able to be worn immediately by Breann due to her surprise and, subsequently, choking to death on the diamond. Lucky for Kind Bob, a priest of Pelor was at hand to immediately resurrect Breann. Sources say, King Bob has learned his lesson about hiding his rocks in things which will inevitably end up in Breanns mouth.

And now, the Rhydin Weather:

For today, expect sunshine with highs in the 100's, partly cloudy thunder storms with light sprinkling of hail, rain, snow, kittens, puppies and men and a low of -4. Tomorrow, weatherman Ug'zug tells us to get out our umbrellas because it's going to rain glitter. Later on this week, expect randomly thrown thunderbolts from drunken old men.

And that's it for this evening's Rhydin Minute. Join us next week, when we share with you our exclusive on the vegetarian undead: grains before brains, bro. I'm your Rhydin Reporter, Ala'mana'letha'lethar'rillee-ya and that's...the Rhy'din news.”

elf_fu

“I woke up this mornin'
Da-dun-da-dun,
I had no inter-nets
Da-dun-da-dun,
I can't IM nobody
Da-dun-da-dun,
and tell them they are idiots
Da-na-na-na
'cause I got no internets
Da-dun-da-dun,
and I can't even check my e-mail
So I think that I'm gonna play Eternal Sonata all day---
haaaaaay!”

elf_fu

“Good evening, and welcome to the Rhy’din minute. I’m your Rhy’din reporter, Princess Peony.

Bad news on the Tavern front. Rhy’din’s lost yet another established inn due to poor construction and severe drafts caused by sighing. Thirty two people were crushed, but luckily, no one was seriously hurt. The Furry Bagpipe was rebuilt within three minutes thanks to a few local gods who pitched in a hand to help.

Yesterday the local Police say that several thousand innocent people, including children, were needlessly slaughtered to show just how evil, evil truly is in Rhydin. The Watch, cooperating with the local Police are devastated. They say it may take years to identify the newest wash of dead and longer still to find a suitable place to bury them all. The Watch and police have turned to outsourcing for help; several deities are doing their best to assist. If you would like to also, assist in identifying the dead, Police are asking citizens to visit the Rhy’din Morgue.


This just in: I’ve heard that Queen Floofums McSpecialpants has finally given birth to her identical twins on the table of local Medieval Tavern. She welcomes Trixie and Marcus to her empire, and wishes them a long reign someday when they ascend her throne. As an aside, several men were seen running in a panic or running over the unconscious bodies of their companions—witness’ say they were fighting over glitter when the sight of a woman giving birth caused several to faint, several more to stampede.

And now, the Rhy’din weather.

Chances are if you’re going out today there’s a slight chance of biblical floods, light showers, sprinkles, hail, seven inches of snow, bright sunny spots, severe wind, light tropical storms, mixed with late summer humidity and frost. Tomorrow, we expect the same.

And that’s it for this evening’s Rhy’din minute. Join me next week when we share with you our exclusive interview with Odin. I’m your Rhy’din reporter, Princess Peony, and that’s…the Rhy'din news.”

elf_fu